Only A Mother Could Love

Lucy was blessed a few weeks ago and I finally got around to rereading the notes my sister took for me of the blessing which led to me reading Rose's baby blessing and then rereading my patriarchal blessing. And I had this epiphany moment. 

When you talk to your mom do you feel important? And talented? And beautiful? (I hope you do! If not, I hope you have someone else in your life that creates these feelings for you!) When I talk to my mom, I feel like an interesting person. She knows me almost better than anyone else, and I can tell that she is impressed at all of my small accomplishments. She gave birth to me and has been watching me grow and learn for 25 years. When I left on my mission in 2015, I was one of 22,000 other sister missionaries serving missions at the same time. To the world, the fact that I served a mission was not really that impressive; so many other girls were doing the exact same thing. But my mom on the other hand knew and understood what a big deal that decision was for me, she saw how incredible it was that I spent all day every day walking up to complete strangers and sharing my beliefs. 

There are so many other examples I could use here to try to get my point across but it kind of reminds me of that funny phrase "he/she has a face that only a mother could love." Which isn't exactly what I'm trying to get at, but mothers not only think that their children are the most beautiful creatures on earth, but they also can see how incredible and beautiful and important their children ACTUALLY are. Because they see their entire growth journey. 

Anyway, as I was reading through these blessings I have for Rose and Lucy, I was able to see a bit from my mom's perspective how she sees me, because I also see my daughters as these beautiful, wonderful, talented, little spirits who are capable of accomplishing so much in their lifetime. I'm blown away every single day at how much Rose has grown and learned over her short 2 years and a bit of life. I think she is fascinating and cute and smart and amazing. 

Back to the epiphany: I have been taught my whole life that I am a child of God and that He loves us unconditionally and knows us better than we know ourselves. I've read the quotes about how He chose the title of Father because it explains His role to us better than any other title. But I was able to see for a moment how He truly sees me and how He feels about me. And not only that but how He sees and feels about all the people around me. 

I guess this epiphany is kind of silly because everyone knows that we are supposed to remember that everyone is a child of God and that we should remember that every one we meet is someone else's son or daughter or brother or sister or mother or father. 

But I have a completely different perspective of what that means now that I am a mother of two beautiful little girls who have their whole lives ahead of them to do amazing things. 

So, here is your friendly reminder that everyone you meet is a child of an all-knowing, unconditionally loving Heavenly Father who has seen them learn to walk and talk and run and think and learn and feel joy, sorrow, anger, and frustration. 

But if that feels difficult to remember, just remember how you feel when you talk to your mom and try to remember that everyone else wants to feel that way too. 

Valentine's Day

I LOVE Valentine's Day! It's probably in my top 3 favorite holidays. (It's tied with Christmas and my birthday.) Growing up, my mom always made Valentine's day a fun day. We put a tablecloth on the table, heart shaped chocolates were scattered on the table along with some flowers, and then we had a yummy meal. After dinner we always got a Valentine gift from our parents. Sometimes my mom would even hang up heart garlands on the wall (which I don't think was as common as it is now with Pinterest and Instagram.)

My mom signed me up for a bow subscription from Little Poppy Co. and in February they sent out a bonus Valentine's Day bow that I just HAD to use. And since Rose is such a willing subject, we had a fun little photo shoot. (I can't think of a better subscription than to get little baby bows in the mail every month! #girlmomlife )

My freshman year of college my parents sent me a little care package and my dad accidentally switched the valentine he wanted to send me with the valentine for Carson's teacher. So I got a little valentine that said "Teacher, You're Great!" haha!

As a lame teenager, I always wanted a Valentine, but the holiday was never dampened if I didn't have one. For me, the day is about love. Not just for a significant other but for my friends, for my family, for the people around me that I care about. I am so so so blessed to be surrounded by people who love and support me and who love and support my little family. Valentine's day was a wonderful day to reflect on that and feel gratitude for everyone in my life.

Because our anniversary is only 4 days before Valentine's day we have decided that we want it to be more of a family holiday where we celebrate how much we love being a family and being together. Ryan is a romantic at heart and still felt like leaving me a trail of Hershey's kisses and fancy chocolate for me to find when I woke up (leading to some flowers), which I didn't mind, of course. And we finished the day off by making homemade pizza (because that's what I did last year and I thought it would be a fun tradition.)

Isn't he sweet? He did all this while I was asleep and was late to class because of it. 

I know I'm like a week and a half late, but I hope that everyone was able to feel loved and important on Valentine's Day. If not by the people around you, then at least hopefully you felt the love that Heavenly Father has for you.

“Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37-39)

Anyway, I hope you feel loved and remember to love the people around you every day of the year! Happy Valentine's Day!

Ashes and an Anniversary

Today is our TWO YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY! Phew! We made it this far! ;)

It's only been 2 years but I look at this picture and I think "Babies!" We look so small!

I think I'll write another blog post tomorrow about what we did to celebrate our wedding anniversary, but I've been wanting to write about something else for a couple of years now and I've been waiting to write about it around our anniversary. 

Around the time we got engaged, we were trying to figure out all of our wedding plans. My parents lived in Texas, but my extended family all live in Northern Utah and Idaho (and Florida part of the year). Ryan's dad at the time lived in Southern Utah, and all of his extended family lived in Central Utah and Alaska. Figuring out the best and most convenient temple to get sealed in was a little difficult. 

One night, we were walking around the Provo City Center temple (because I was living in Provo going to BYU) and I told Ryan that I wanted to get sealed here. 

The story behind the Provo City Center Temple is SO cool to me. 

Before it was a temple, it was a beautiful, historic tabernacle that caught on fire and was destroyed. The outside was able to be preserved and from the inside out it was turned into a temple, a sacred house of the Lord. 

When I stood outside of the temple with Ryan thinking about marrying him, I knew I wanted it to be this temple because of it's story, it was a perfect fit for us. The tabernacle was beautiful. It was a great building with great purpose, but something happened and it burned down. It can be hard to see something so wonderful turn into something so awful, but God always has bigger plans that we can't always understand. He knew that the tabernacle was done with it's time just being a tabernacle, it needed to be destroyed so it could be rebuilt as something with greater purpose. 

It reminds me of that CS Lewis quote:

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”

Before meeting Ryan, it felt like Heavenly Father was messing up my plans and getting in my way. I made mistakes and I felt pain because of them. I went through my refiners fire, and so did Ryan. It took a lot of banging and bruising and wrong paths and right ones. Bad choices and good choices. I never wanted to serve a mission, but Heavenly Father pushed me in that direction. Ryan had his own struggles but was pushed in that direction as well. Sometimes it blows my mind all the tiny little details that went into Ryan and I meeting. Heavenly Father knows us so well.

I just feel like I had no idea what wonderful and beautiful plans God had in store for me, or what plans He has for my future still.

I love this picture because it's right as we are walking out of the doors of the temple after getting married, and look, Jesus is standing right behind us holding a lamb. I just think it is so symbolic of how He is looking out for us, and our marriage/family. 

When the tabernacle caught on fire, some people were upset that God would let something so horrible happen, but they had no idea that it would turn into the most beautiful and best temple in the world (in my totally unbiased opinion...) Now, it's a place where families can be sealed together forever, and I am SO SO grateful for that blessing.

Any opportunities to share my wedding pictures are opportunities I will take! This one is my very favorite.

Happy 2 years to us! I can't wait to see what the rest of eternity will bring.

#SOblessed

365 Days

On Saturday, Ryan and I celebrated our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! It is so hard to believe that it has been a whole year already and at the same time it is hard to believe that it has ONLY been one year! Our wedding day was the most wonderful day ever, and I've already written about it on here, so I won't talk your ears off about it again, but I am going to put a couple (maybe a couple more than a couple... you know me...) of pictures on here because I don't think I ever did.

Our lives have changed so much in the last year. We finished two semesters of school, Ryan grew a beard, we finally got callings in our ward, we flew to Texas, we filled our house with furniture, we bought a car, we found out we were pregnant. You know, the typical adult married life stuff, but it's all new to us!

It's probably been the hardest year I've ever had, with school, and work, and figuring out that birth control and my mental health don't really mix well, unexpected expenses, morning sickness that isn't just mornings, and learning how to be part of an eternal relationship instead of just independent me.

It's also been the very best year I've ever had. I've learned so much at school, I've made friends at work, I quit taking birth control and we were blessed with a cute little parasite... baby, we have recognized over and over and over again how blessed we are financially and always have had exactly what we need, we found medicine to keep the morning sickness at bay, and our growing and strengthening relationship has taught me so much and has brought me so much joy.

It also doesn't hurt that I have the very most perfect husband in the world for me. Here are some examples of what makes me love him so so so much:

When I throw up, he doesn't just hold back my hair, he flushes the toilet so I don't have to see what just came out of me which might make me throw up more.

When we are walking around anywhere, he always just takes my purse and carries it for me without me ever having to ask.

He still lets me put my ice cold hands on his stomach or back to warm them up.

He tells me I'm beautiful and perfect on a regular basis, and refuses to let me convince him otherwise.

He buys me a two pack of Nutella every other week, and sometimes jokes about weaning me off of chocolate, but would never actually stop buying it for me.

He vacuums the carpet because he knows I hate vacuuming.

He never laughs at me when I'm crying, even the one time I cried because I didn't have any clean matching socks.

Even when he has to wake up at a ridiculously early hour, he will wake up to tell me it's alright when I'm having a nightmare (which is pretty often.)

He tries SO hard to stay awake when I'm talking his ear off at night, every night.

He almost always goes along with my silly ideas, because he loves to make me happy.

He will listen to me ramble on and on and on about every minute detail of what happened throughout my day, even when it just involves the weather, my homework, or how much water I drank during the day.

He laughs at my jokes and makes fun of me when I accidentally say something inappropriate.

I literally could not have picked a more perfect person to spend the rest of my life with. He's my best friend, my biggest supporter, my favorite person to tell everything, my best defender, my everything. I can't wait to see what the rest of eternity with him holds.

Love

"How often have you and I made judgements that are equally unfair? Why can't we resist the urge to second-guess and evaluate each other? Why do we judge everything from the way we keep house to how many children we do or do not have? Sometimes I wonder if the final judgement will be a breeze compared with what we've put each other through here on earth!

 The Spirit cannot dwell in a home, a ward, or a relationship where there is criticism. Contention neutralizes us spiritually. When we fail to champion one another, we in essence betray each other. 

It is simply not for us to judge each other. The Lord has reserved that right for himself, because only he knows our hearts and understands the varying circumstances of our lives. Principles and covenants are the same for all of us. But the application of those principles will differ from woman to woman. What we can do is encourage each other to constantly seek the direction of the Holy Ghost to help us make decisions and then to bless us with the reassurance that our lives are on course. Only when the Lord is directing our lives may we expect to feel peace about our choices. And his approval is so much more vital than that of the ward busybody. 

 Another kind of judging is more subtle but equally destructive. How often do we describe a sister with words like these: She's a convert. She's been inactive. She's a Utah Mormon. She's single. She's a stay-at-home mom. 

When we label one another, we make judgments that divide us from each other and inevitably alienate us from the Lord. The Nephites learned this lesson the hard way. After the Saviour appeared on this continent, those converted to the gospel lived in harmony for two hundred years. Because they loved God, they also loved each other. And though previously there had been Nephites and Lamanites and Ishmaelites, there were now no"-ites," as the scriptures tell us (4 Nephi 1:16) It wasn't until they again divided into classes that Satan began to win many hearts. The Nephites never recovered spiritually.

 Can't we get rid of the "-ites" among us? Can't we avoid this "hardening of the categories"? We gain nothing by segregating ourselves based on superficial differences. What we have in common -- particularly our commitment to the same glorious cause--is so much more significant than any distinctions in our individual lives. I think again of our sisters in Africa. The fact that my life is completely different from theirs didn't matter. When we left that last meeting in Ghana, I wept because I felt such a bond with them. We are our sister's keeper. Heaven forbid that we would ever make even one sister feel left out. If there is any place in all the world where a woman should feel that she belongs, it is in this Church."

 - Sheri L. Dew

Lately, I've been really into reading books that will bring me closer to Christ. The book that I am reading right now is called Arise and Shine Forth. It's a compilation of all of the talks from The 2000 Woman's Conference at BYU. One talk in it by Sheri L. Dew is titled "As Women of God, Shall We Not Go Forward In So Great A Cause?" It's such a great talk and there are so many quotes from it that I want to share with people. But this one (I would apologize for the length of it, but it's all so good, that I couldn't leave anything out. She just worded this so well), is SUCH a great reminder that we need to quit judging, quit gossiping, quit causing contention, quit hurting feelings. We need to LOVE each other. We need to lift each other up. We need to live up to the name of our church. We are members of The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints. If we belong to Christ's church, then why don't we act like it? Christ loved everyone. He served others. We don't uphold His name when we aren't trying our best to love and live like Him.  

If you'd like to read the entire talk, this link will take you to it.