Raising Lazarus

I should probably just name this blog "Things Kinsey Learns in her New Testament Class."

A few weeks ago, in class, we went over the story of when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead.

I love this class, because when I try to read the New Testament on my own, I can't visualize the way people actually were. Since they just wrote a very summarized and short version of everything that happened, it's hard to try to imagine the emotions, the feelings, the thoughts, the real human aspects of what was going on. It's just a very short journal entry. When my teacher talks about the stories and brings all the research and facts into it, he brings the stories to life. I can imagine the Apostles as real people, like me and you, trying to do what's right, but still falling short sometimes. They weren't perfect. They made mistakes. Jesus Christ was also part human. He felt sad, He felt pain, He felt grief. He loved these people that He taught, and He loved His family and His friends and His apostles. The stories don't really tell you that, but when I learn about it in class all of that comes to life. It's amazing. Jesus becomes more real to me the more I learn about Him.

Back to Lazarus. This story tells SO much more than just one of the many miracles that Jesus Christ did. This story is about friendship, love, charity. It gives you a deeper understanding of who Jesus Christ really was.

Okay here is the story:
John 11:1-45

First of all, Lazarus is sick. Lazarus is the brother of Mary and Martha, who are mentioned in a few other NT stories.
Mary and Martha send for Jesus because their brother is sick and they know that Jesus can heal him.
When Jesus heard about Lazarus, He knew it wasn't just a mild cold, it was a fatal sickness. Lazarus was going to die.
The next verse kind of tells a little bit more about what is going on. "Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus." (v. 5) This kind of gives us the impression that these three were really important to Jesus. Maybe they were some of His closest friends, but my teacher thinks they are family. We don't know for sure, but Jesus spent a lot of time with Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, so I kind of think they were family also.
Then, something kind of funny happens. Jesus decided to wait two days before going to visit Lazarus.
By then, Lazarus was sure to be dead. No doubt about it.
Why did Jesus wait two days when one of His closest friends was so close to death?  If He was really so close wouldn't He leave as soon as He heard what was going on?
Mary and Martha wondered the same thing.
When Jesus arrived, Mary and Martha were heartbroken. Their brother had been dead for four days now, he had been laid in the sepulchre and his body had been wrapped up there were a lot of people there to comfort Mary and Martha over their brother.
When they heard that Jesus was there, Martha first met Jesus and wanted to know why He hadn't come earlier. She knew that He could have saved her brother, and was upset. He told her that Lazarus would rise again, but she thought He was just talking about resurrection.
Martha then went and told Mary that Jesus was here. Mary then ran to Jesus and said the same thing "Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died." (Would not have died.) Mary was crying, heartbroken over her brothers death as she said this.
Then comes the verse: "Jesus wept." Most people know this verse for how short it is (v. 35) but it is such an important verse.
The story goes on to say that Jesus asked to be taken to where Lazarus's body was lain. He prayed to Heavenly Father. When He finished His prayer, He commanded Lazarus to rise and come out of the sepulchre. Lazarus did, and everyone saw, and the Jews finally realized that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and they were amazed.

The part that I want to focus on is verse 35. Jesus didn't have to cry, He knew that He would be raising Lazarus from the dead. He knew that everything would be okay. He knew that waiting a few days before coming to Martha's house was the best choice, that it would be able to show His power best to the Jews who were there to comfort Mary and Martha.

Instead of telling Mary to stop crying and that everything was going to be fine, He cried with her. Which goes to show that Jesus loves us so much. Even though He knows that things will always work out, He knows what we are going through, and walks each step of the way with us. When we are sad, He is sad. He has so much love and compassion for us, that even the smallest amount of pain that we have hurts Him.

This story shows His love for us in a way that few other stories show as well, in my opinion. He won't just comfort us in our affliction. He will cry with us. Because He loves us, and we are Important to Him.

The Lord Has Not Forgotten You By Linda S. Reeves : Every time I write one of these, I go to see if there are any General Conference talks about it that have any good quotes that I can use at the end. Then, every time I do that I find a talk that pretty much says what I said, but better. So, if you'd like to read something more eloquent about the Lord's love for us and how He hasn't forgotten us, this is a beautiful talk that you will enjoy reading.

I know that I am loved by my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. We will have hard times, but we need to always remember that we aren't forgotten and that Jesus Christ suffered all the pain we are going through. He is walking along with us every step of the way, willing to carry us if we need it, crying with us in sadness, laughing with us in happiness, and hoping for us all the way until the end.

Lost Sheep and Prodigal Children

My favorite stories in the scriptures always have to do with those who are found. The lost sheep, Alma the Younger, the Prodigal Son, etc.
I think everyone has at one point or another felt a little lost or a little alone. These stories bring so much hope.

Today, in my New Testament class we were talking about the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Which is a story that everyone should read over and over and over again. (One of the Prophets or Apostles said that.)

The Parable of the Prodigal Son can fit into a lot of different situations and has something to tell everyone, no matter what point you are at.

If you don't know the story here it is:

A man had two sons. The younger one asked for his inheritance and then went away and ended up spending it all on "riotous living." When he had spent it all, there was a famine and he was starving. He got a job feeding pigs and at one point realized he was eating worse than the pigs. He thought of his home and also realized that his father's servants were also eating better than him, so he decided to go home and work as a servant for his father.

"I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants."  (Luke 15:18-19)

So, he went home planning out what he would say to his father. Here's the thing, the boys father saw him coming and ran to him, so happy that he had come home, that the boy didn't even get a chance to ask to be his servant. His father got him nice clothing, fed the best food they had to offer and threw a party celebrating his return home.

When Jesus taught this parable, he could have left it at that, but he didn't. 

The second part of the story brings a third person. The older son. He is upset that while he has been home, working with his father the entire time there was never a party thrown for him. He wasn't given the best robe, the best food, new shoes or anything, but he felt like he deserved all of that way more than his younger brother who wasted his inheritance.

What happens next is one of my favorite scriptures:
"And he [the father] said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine.
It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found." (Luke 15:31-32)

There are so many things we can learn from this Parable.

1. You are going to make mistakes. One day you might leave home and accidentally spend your inheritance. You will hit rock bottom. You will feel loneliness, hunger, despair, guilt, sadness, pain. But when you make that decision to humble yourself and return to your Father in Heaven He will welcome you with open arms and unconditional love. He will celebrate your return, He will cheer, He will jump for joy, because your soul is precious to Him and you are His child. Maybe there will even be tears in His eyes as He looks at your face and knows that you are home, safe and sound.

2. Maybe you aren't making mistakes. Maybe you are doing everything just the way you should. You are following the rules, you are serving others, you are going to church, you are saying your prayers, but you don't feel like you are getting the blessings you deserve. Maybe you aren't being celebrated for your righteousness. Maybe you don't feel as welcomed as the ones who are coming back. But you know what? You are SO blessed. Everything that the Father has is yours. He knows you are doing what you are supposed to do. He already has blessings pouring into your life. Trust God.

3. Don't compare yourself to others. Heavenly Fathers knows you. He's paying attention to you too. He doesn't love one child more than another.

4. Remember that your Father in Heaven and your brother, Jesus Christ should be your examples of how to love others. Treat others like the father in the story. When people make mistakes continue to love them. No one is perfect. You aren't perfect. It isn't your job to judge others. Your job is to try and get yourself back to Heavenly Father, and then to help everyone else get back also. Every soul is important.

"There are feet to steady

Hands to grasp

Minds to encourage

Hearts to inspire

And souls to save.

Are we doing all we should?"

-Thomas S. Monson

"No one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us—insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all. He doesn’t measure our talents or our looks; He doesn’t measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other. I know that if we will be faithful, there is a perfectly tailored robe of righteousness ready and waiting for everyone, “robes … made … white in the blood of the Lamb.”

-Jeffrey R. Holland The Other Prodigal April 2002

Moving Mountains

I have been thinking about this blog post for about 2 months now. Waiting for the right time to share it.
NOW IS THAT TIME AND I AM SO EXCITED!

If you had asked me 15 years ago, 10 years ago, 2 years ago, or 2 months ago if I was planning on serving a mission I would have said "Heck no!" or maybe a milder "Um, no, I don't think so..." or "Right now, the answer is no."

The idea of ME on a mission wasn't even a thing. It was not ever something I wanted to do, not even for a minute.

I do not like trying new food, I do not like talking to strangers, I did not have a super strong testimony, I do not know how to learn languages, I am not very fit, I am not very tough, and I am not very strong.


But, two months ago, Heavenly Father started working on me and changing my attitude. He showed me for a second that I could actually be a missionary. He only gave me a super duper teensy glimpse. But it was enough to make me think. The more I thought about it, the more my attitude towards serving a mission changed.

"Imagine all the good you could do, Kinsey! There are people in this world who DON'T KNOW that there is a loving Heavenly Father up there in Heaven just waiting to pour blessings on them if only they had faith. There are people that do not know they can pray to Heavenly Father for anything, about anything, to ask anything. They do not know that they can feel peace in the hardest times, that they can be happy in this devastating world, that they can feel love when they make mistakes. They do not know that a man came to Earth 2000 years ago to DIE for them. He literally came to Earth to sacrifice Himself so that every man and woman on Earth could find peace, could be comforted, could feel loved, and could be saved. There are people somewhere on this planet waiting for YOU, Kinsey! They need YOU and YOUR testimony. They need YOU to teach them the gospel."

So, surprise! I am going on a mission.

By the way, here is where I'm going:
"Dear Sister Warburton,
You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Washington Tacoma Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months.
You should report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wednesday, February 4, 2015. You will prepare to teach the gospel in the English language"

Your body really IS a temple.

I have come to realize that when you mix a mirror and your mind with Satan you get a really sick combination. There's nothing wrong with mirrors. They were a fantastic invention. And the human mind? AMAZING. But I guess when you put Satan and his "angels" into anything you get a sad turnout.
When I look in a mirror, I have a hard time being okay with what I see. Or at least, I did, starting in elementary school, all the way through middle and high school.  Even now. But that is changing.
Lately, I've been thinking about how my body is a temple. If you grew up in the LDS church, then you've probably heard that hundreds of times. Talking about tattoos? Your body is a temple, don't defile your temple. Word of Wisdom? Your body is a temple, don't drink alcohol or do drugs. Simple. There is more to this than I ever thought about though.
My body is a temple. It was created with great care by the greatest being in the universe, Heavenly Father. It was created so that my spirit could come to earth and have a place to dwell while here. The only way for my Spirit to get back to Heavenly Father is to come to Earth and join with a physical body. My body is also a place for the Holy Ghost to dwell. He guides me and comforts me. I can't make it through the time on Earth without the Holy Ghost.
Now, what does that have to do with mirrors and Satan?
Satan knows that my body is a temple for my spirit and the Holy Ghost. He knows that I can't get back to Heavenly Father with a broken spirit and a dirty temple.
With that knowledge he attacks me! Not physically. He can't touch me. BUT, he CAN and he WILL whisper to me. He will try to convince me that I am ugly, weird, awkward. He will trick other people into believing that they know what beauty is, so that they can tell me if I'm not.
For example: I'm white. I. can. not. tan. In America, being tan is "beautiful", and it really is, but so is being fair skinned. I didn't know that though. I just thought, "if only I was able to tan. I would be more beautiful." I, not only, have my own thoughts telling me that I should be more tan, I have friends that tell me that too. I've had friends look at my arms after a long winter and say "Wow, have you been outside at all?" or "Kinsey, you just need to go outside and tan." (I tried, it resulted in a horrible sunburn, ouch!) Look people, I don't tan. It doesn't happen that way. I'm learning though, that Heavenly Father made me this way. He gave me fair skin. He carefully picked out the color of my skin, the color of my hair, the color of my eyes. He decided I should be "this tall" and "this wide". "Her feet will be this size."
"She will be allergic to cats, and dislike these foods."
"Eventually, she will learn to like certain foods, but others she will decide she still doesn't like."
"She will be quiet, she will be stubborn, she will be a little quirky, but I want her to be that way." "She'll be her mom's best friend, kind to those around her, and love those with disabilities."
"She will cry a lot, but she'll get used to it and learn to carry tissues everywhere."
I have been thinking about this a lot. God made me the way I am for a reason. Instead of trying to be like others around me, why am I not embracing WHO I AM and loving myself?
If my body is a temple, then I need to treat it like one. I need to be kind to it. I need to take care of it. I need to love it, and it's creator.
I need to shove Satan out. (Get thee hence, Satan!)
I need to ignore others judgments.
I'm white. That's not bad.
I'm short. Embrace it, Kinsey!
I blush a lot. God made me that way.
The list goes on and on. I had a list of things I wish I could change about myself, it gets shorter the more and more I think about this.
I'm learning that I want my temple to be clean and healthy. I exercise for myself. I eat healthy for myself. I love myself and praise God.
It's my temple, and I will take care of it and love it, because it was a gift from my Heavenly Father.
It's as simple as that. 

Love

"How often have you and I made judgements that are equally unfair? Why can't we resist the urge to second-guess and evaluate each other? Why do we judge everything from the way we keep house to how many children we do or do not have? Sometimes I wonder if the final judgement will be a breeze compared with what we've put each other through here on earth!

 The Spirit cannot dwell in a home, a ward, or a relationship where there is criticism. Contention neutralizes us spiritually. When we fail to champion one another, we in essence betray each other. 

It is simply not for us to judge each other. The Lord has reserved that right for himself, because only he knows our hearts and understands the varying circumstances of our lives. Principles and covenants are the same for all of us. But the application of those principles will differ from woman to woman. What we can do is encourage each other to constantly seek the direction of the Holy Ghost to help us make decisions and then to bless us with the reassurance that our lives are on course. Only when the Lord is directing our lives may we expect to feel peace about our choices. And his approval is so much more vital than that of the ward busybody. 

 Another kind of judging is more subtle but equally destructive. How often do we describe a sister with words like these: She's a convert. She's been inactive. She's a Utah Mormon. She's single. She's a stay-at-home mom. 

When we label one another, we make judgments that divide us from each other and inevitably alienate us from the Lord. The Nephites learned this lesson the hard way. After the Saviour appeared on this continent, those converted to the gospel lived in harmony for two hundred years. Because they loved God, they also loved each other. And though previously there had been Nephites and Lamanites and Ishmaelites, there were now no"-ites," as the scriptures tell us (4 Nephi 1:16) It wasn't until they again divided into classes that Satan began to win many hearts. The Nephites never recovered spiritually.

 Can't we get rid of the "-ites" among us? Can't we avoid this "hardening of the categories"? We gain nothing by segregating ourselves based on superficial differences. What we have in common -- particularly our commitment to the same glorious cause--is so much more significant than any distinctions in our individual lives. I think again of our sisters in Africa. The fact that my life is completely different from theirs didn't matter. When we left that last meeting in Ghana, I wept because I felt such a bond with them. We are our sister's keeper. Heaven forbid that we would ever make even one sister feel left out. If there is any place in all the world where a woman should feel that she belongs, it is in this Church."

 - Sheri L. Dew

Lately, I've been really into reading books that will bring me closer to Christ. The book that I am reading right now is called Arise and Shine Forth. It's a compilation of all of the talks from The 2000 Woman's Conference at BYU. One talk in it by Sheri L. Dew is titled "As Women of God, Shall We Not Go Forward In So Great A Cause?" It's such a great talk and there are so many quotes from it that I want to share with people. But this one (I would apologize for the length of it, but it's all so good, that I couldn't leave anything out. She just worded this so well), is SUCH a great reminder that we need to quit judging, quit gossiping, quit causing contention, quit hurting feelings. We need to LOVE each other. We need to lift each other up. We need to live up to the name of our church. We are members of The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints. If we belong to Christ's church, then why don't we act like it? Christ loved everyone. He served others. We don't uphold His name when we aren't trying our best to love and live like Him.  

If you'd like to read the entire talk, this link will take you to it.

Testimony

This year at BYU I have grown so much spiritually, mentally, and socially. 

I have also gained confidence and self-esteem. 

With all of that growth, I made it my goal to bear my testimony on the last Fast and Testimony meeting of my first year at BYU. 

Every Fast and Testimony meeting before that, I start to think about my goal and I start to panic. Public speaking is NOT my specialty. 

It terrifies me. 

For months, I've planned to do this, and every time I think about it I start to get knots in my stomach, and have a little bit of a harder time breathing.

It's been worse lately because tomorrow is the day that I need to bear my testimony. 

(AHHHHH so stressful!)

But anyways, I think it would be easier to do if I write my testimony on here first. 

It won't be very eloquent, I'm not very good with words, but it's all I've got. 

So, here I go.

Before coming to BYU I didn't really have a testimony. 

I felt a little bit lost all through high school and I ended up coming to BYU not knowing what I truly believed. 

Everything has changed since then. 

Coming to BYU probably saved my life. 

If I've learned anything since coming here it's that my Heavenly Father loves me so much. 

He loves me no matter what I've done, He loves me when I stumble, He loves me when I fall, He loves me when I mess up over and over and over again doing the same things. 

He loves me when I make mistakes and He loves me unconditionally. 

There is not a single thing I could do to make Him not love me.

I know that my Heavenly Father wants me to be happy. 

I know that he blesses me so much more than I even realize or recognize. 

Even though I don't appreciate the things He does for me as much as I always should, He continues to bless me with a beautiful Earth, with an amazing ward, with fantastic friends, family, and roommates.

I know that this church is true. 

I know that the gospel is true. 

I know that my Savior died on the cross for me, to give me second chances. 

I know that Jesus Christ lives, and that He knows what I go through.

I know that He knows me, He knows everything about me. 

He knows when I am sad, or mad, or happy. 

He knows what I love and what my passions are. 

He knows what my struggles are and understands how I feel.

I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet, and while I don't know every single detail about church history, I believe that he saw Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. 

I know that he translated the Book of Mormon so that I could read it and have a testimony of Jesus Christ and of past prophets.

I know that I don't need to worry about the future too much. 

I know that if I do what I'm supposed to do, follow the commandments, and listen to the guidance that the Holy Ghost gives me I will be okay. 

I will be taken care of and everything will be alright. 

I just need to trust in my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

There are so many things that I know now, but I'm going to stop there. 

My testimony is very simple, but a testimony doesn't have to be amazing and eloquent and good enough to put in a magazine or a book. 

It just has to be what I feel, and I these things are what I feel. 

I'm so grateful for all that I have learned and the knowledge I have gained since coming here to BYU.

I love this church, and the gospel. 

I love my Savior and my Father in Heaven, I would be lost without them.

I'm still really nervous about tomorrow, but I know that Heavenly Father will give me the strength to accomplish my goals.

2013 Reflection

1. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 18. I didn't really do anything special, I went to school and had cake after dinner with my family.

2. What are your strongest memories from this year and why?
Hmm, My strongest memories... The day before I left for BYU, my boyfriend and I broke up, which was pretty hard on me, but I don't regret it. College was a brand new start for me, and I didn't have anything to hold me back from making tons of new friends and new memories.

3. What did you do this year that you'd never done before? 
I graduated from high school and I started college. There are so many new things that go along with those two things that I can't even name them all! (Paying for housing and tuition, living without my mom, cooking chicken for the first time, etc.)

My first day of school picture.

4. What did you want and get?
This year I got my very own laptop with my own password on it. :D I also got warm clothes for Christmas, which I desperately need now that this Florida girl lives in Utah.

5. What did you want and not get? 
I can't really think of anything, as I get older I want less and less.

6. What would you like to have next year that you didn't have this year?
I already know that this is going to happen, but I want to have art classes. This past semester I didn't have any art classes. Any time I wanted to paint I had to find time to do it on my own. This upcoming semester I will be taking TWO art classes. That is 10 hours of art a week. I'm pretty excited.

7. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I can't remember what exactly they were, but I am pretty confident that this year I have accomplished more than I ever have before. (However, I am sure I mentioned something about exercising, which did not happen... Oh well, there is always 2014... or the year after that.) 

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?
There were quite a few: I was accepted into BYU. I made it through the first semester with a pretty good GPA. I gained confidence. I came out of my shell more. I made good friends. I gained a closer relationship with God. All big things, I can't choose one.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I think I failed at being healthy... I don't eat enough healthy food, I don't sleep enough, I don't drink enough water, and I don't exercise enough. I should probably work on it...

10. What did you rely on when you were overwhelmed?
When I get overwhelmed I eat a lot of chocolate. Although, sometimes I will turn on Pandora, plug my headphones in and lay in my bed with the music drowning everything out until I fall asleep.

11. What are you strongest recommendations for entertainment from this year?
I read a book called Edenbrooke that was very good, if you like good, clean, old fashioned romance that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you finish. Which I do. Also, Frozen. (LOVED IT.)

12. What song will remind you of this year?
Roar by Katy Perry

13. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up,
When I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory,
How far will forgiveness abound?"
And You answer: "My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face,
You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace."
You are so patient with me, Lord.
As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means.
The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary.
So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey You
By giving up my life to you For all that You've given to me.

These lyrics are from the song Grace by Laura Story. Throughout high school I had a hard time enjoying church, I didn't pray, I didn't read the scriptures. I didn't feel loved or like I belonged. I knew what I was supposed to believe, but I didn't really listen. When I got to BYU, I started over. I began praying again, I began begging for help, for peace, for confidence, to feel something. I did everything. I went to church, I prayed non-stop, when I woke up, when I started feeling discouraged, as I walked to class, when I went to bed. I began to look for the Lord's tender mercies all day. Now, I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and that I am important to Him. These lyrics kind of sum up these things that I discovered.

14. What was your most enjoyable purchase?
Now that I am a poor college student, every purchase is very stressful and not enjoyable at all.

15. Did you travel? If so, where? 
Over the summer I went to Florida twice. The first time I stayed with my best friend, Kristen. The second time I stayed in Sarasota with my other best friend, Tori. I also moved from Texas to Utah.

16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I had painted more.

17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I wish I had been less lazy, less unproductive. I spent a lot of time slugging around my dorm eating chocolate and wasting time on Facebook.

18. Compared to this time last year, how are you different? 
I am a year older, more responsible, more confident, and more outgoing.

19. Compared to this time last year, how are the same?
I pretty much look exactly the same, and I am still pretty quiet.

20. What's a life lesson you learned this year?

• To think to myself: "Is the thing you are worried about right now as big of a deal as you are making it to be?" 
• I am important.
• What other people think of me DOES NOT matter. I need to like myself first. 
• It's my choice whether or not I am happy or not. Nothing can "make me" upset. (I know I keep mentioning these same things, sorry not sorry.)