Testimony

This year at BYU I have grown so much spiritually, mentally, and socially. 

I have also gained confidence and self-esteem. 

With all of that growth, I made it my goal to bear my testimony on the last Fast and Testimony meeting of my first year at BYU. 

Every Fast and Testimony meeting before that, I start to think about my goal and I start to panic. Public speaking is NOT my specialty. 

It terrifies me. 

For months, I've planned to do this, and every time I think about it I start to get knots in my stomach, and have a little bit of a harder time breathing.

It's been worse lately because tomorrow is the day that I need to bear my testimony. 

(AHHHHH so stressful!)

But anyways, I think it would be easier to do if I write my testimony on here first. 

It won't be very eloquent, I'm not very good with words, but it's all I've got. 

So, here I go.

Before coming to BYU I didn't really have a testimony. 

I felt a little bit lost all through high school and I ended up coming to BYU not knowing what I truly believed. 

Everything has changed since then. 

Coming to BYU probably saved my life. 

If I've learned anything since coming here it's that my Heavenly Father loves me so much. 

He loves me no matter what I've done, He loves me when I stumble, He loves me when I fall, He loves me when I mess up over and over and over again doing the same things. 

He loves me when I make mistakes and He loves me unconditionally. 

There is not a single thing I could do to make Him not love me.

I know that my Heavenly Father wants me to be happy. 

I know that he blesses me so much more than I even realize or recognize. 

Even though I don't appreciate the things He does for me as much as I always should, He continues to bless me with a beautiful Earth, with an amazing ward, with fantastic friends, family, and roommates.

I know that this church is true. 

I know that the gospel is true. 

I know that my Savior died on the cross for me, to give me second chances. 

I know that Jesus Christ lives, and that He knows what I go through.

I know that He knows me, He knows everything about me. 

He knows when I am sad, or mad, or happy. 

He knows what I love and what my passions are. 

He knows what my struggles are and understands how I feel.

I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet, and while I don't know every single detail about church history, I believe that he saw Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. 

I know that he translated the Book of Mormon so that I could read it and have a testimony of Jesus Christ and of past prophets.

I know that I don't need to worry about the future too much. 

I know that if I do what I'm supposed to do, follow the commandments, and listen to the guidance that the Holy Ghost gives me I will be okay. 

I will be taken care of and everything will be alright. 

I just need to trust in my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

There are so many things that I know now, but I'm going to stop there. 

My testimony is very simple, but a testimony doesn't have to be amazing and eloquent and good enough to put in a magazine or a book. 

It just has to be what I feel, and I these things are what I feel. 

I'm so grateful for all that I have learned and the knowledge I have gained since coming here to BYU.

I love this church, and the gospel. 

I love my Savior and my Father in Heaven, I would be lost without them.

I'm still really nervous about tomorrow, but I know that Heavenly Father will give me the strength to accomplish my goals.

2013 Reflection

1. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 18. I didn't really do anything special, I went to school and had cake after dinner with my family.

2. What are your strongest memories from this year and why?
Hmm, My strongest memories... The day before I left for BYU, my boyfriend and I broke up, which was pretty hard on me, but I don't regret it. College was a brand new start for me, and I didn't have anything to hold me back from making tons of new friends and new memories.

3. What did you do this year that you'd never done before? 
I graduated from high school and I started college. There are so many new things that go along with those two things that I can't even name them all! (Paying for housing and tuition, living without my mom, cooking chicken for the first time, etc.)

My first day of school picture.

4. What did you want and get?
This year I got my very own laptop with my own password on it. :D I also got warm clothes for Christmas, which I desperately need now that this Florida girl lives in Utah.

5. What did you want and not get? 
I can't really think of anything, as I get older I want less and less.

6. What would you like to have next year that you didn't have this year?
I already know that this is going to happen, but I want to have art classes. This past semester I didn't have any art classes. Any time I wanted to paint I had to find time to do it on my own. This upcoming semester I will be taking TWO art classes. That is 10 hours of art a week. I'm pretty excited.

7. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I can't remember what exactly they were, but I am pretty confident that this year I have accomplished more than I ever have before. (However, I am sure I mentioned something about exercising, which did not happen... Oh well, there is always 2014... or the year after that.) 

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?
There were quite a few: I was accepted into BYU. I made it through the first semester with a pretty good GPA. I gained confidence. I came out of my shell more. I made good friends. I gained a closer relationship with God. All big things, I can't choose one.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I think I failed at being healthy... I don't eat enough healthy food, I don't sleep enough, I don't drink enough water, and I don't exercise enough. I should probably work on it...

10. What did you rely on when you were overwhelmed?
When I get overwhelmed I eat a lot of chocolate. Although, sometimes I will turn on Pandora, plug my headphones in and lay in my bed with the music drowning everything out until I fall asleep.

11. What are you strongest recommendations for entertainment from this year?
I read a book called Edenbrooke that was very good, if you like good, clean, old fashioned romance that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you finish. Which I do. Also, Frozen. (LOVED IT.)

12. What song will remind you of this year?
Roar by Katy Perry

13. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?

I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up,
When I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory,
How far will forgiveness abound?"
And You answer: "My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face,
You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace."
You are so patient with me, Lord.
As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means.
The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary.
So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey You
By giving up my life to you For all that You've given to me.

These lyrics are from the song Grace by Laura Story. Throughout high school I had a hard time enjoying church, I didn't pray, I didn't read the scriptures. I didn't feel loved or like I belonged. I knew what I was supposed to believe, but I didn't really listen. When I got to BYU, I started over. I began praying again, I began begging for help, for peace, for confidence, to feel something. I did everything. I went to church, I prayed non-stop, when I woke up, when I started feeling discouraged, as I walked to class, when I went to bed. I began to look for the Lord's tender mercies all day. Now, I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and that I am important to Him. These lyrics kind of sum up these things that I discovered.

14. What was your most enjoyable purchase?
Now that I am a poor college student, every purchase is very stressful and not enjoyable at all.

15. Did you travel? If so, where? 
Over the summer I went to Florida twice. The first time I stayed with my best friend, Kristen. The second time I stayed in Sarasota with my other best friend, Tori. I also moved from Texas to Utah.

16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I had painted more.

17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I wish I had been less lazy, less unproductive. I spent a lot of time slugging around my dorm eating chocolate and wasting time on Facebook.

18. Compared to this time last year, how are you different? 
I am a year older, more responsible, more confident, and more outgoing.

19. Compared to this time last year, how are the same?
I pretty much look exactly the same, and I am still pretty quiet.

20. What's a life lesson you learned this year?

• To think to myself: "Is the thing you are worried about right now as big of a deal as you are making it to be?" 
• I am important.
• What other people think of me DOES NOT matter. I need to like myself first. 
• It's my choice whether or not I am happy or not. Nothing can "make me" upset. (I know I keep mentioning these same things, sorry not sorry.)