Well, today, I've been considering the tulips instead, because that's what I have in my yard, not lilies.
But, in all seriousness, (this blog post is going to be a little on the more serious side), I have not ACTUALLY been very good at considering the lilies lately.
I am an anxious person. I come from a long line of worriers. (Don't mistake that for warrior.) We worry. It's what we do. And I've noticed that since getting married and having a baby, my anxiety has just gotten more intense.
This world is a scary place, and I am SO good at jumping to the worst conclusions or worst possible outcome in any situation, I would call it a talent, but I don't know if that is exactly something to be proud of.
For instance, the intersection we live near has some serious road work being done, I'm not exactly sure what they are doing, but every couple minutes the entire house shakes...but yesterday I didn't realize it was coming from the road work. I was sitting in bed and the bed rumbled. Then a couple minutes later it happened again. Rose was taking a nap on the other side of the house and I thought, "Is this an earthquake?" and then I pictured that scene from A Cinderella Story, where her dad dies running from one side of the house to the other. My heart started beating faster and I was so worried that the big earthquake that Utah is overdue for was going to happen and I wouldn't be able to reach Rose. And Ryan was at work, so what would happen to him?! Would we all die, separated from each other, without ever having a chance to say goodbye? (I believe in life after death, but death still scares me and makes me sad.) Anyway, it wasn't an earthquake, but now I'm all freaked out about one ever happening.
Another example: the wind was going crazy outside the other day and the tree in front of our house is VERY tall and starting to rot. It really needs to come down, but we rent, so they don't really care too much about us and what we think about what the house needs. *insert eye roll* (That's a story for another time.) We were all hanging out in the living room, but Rose had wandered to another area of the house and Ryan and I were realizing that if the tree decided to fall over, it would crush the part of the house we were sitting in, but not Rose. So, obviously I made everyone get up and go to the other side of the house to spend the rest of the evening, because the very thought of Rose being left an orphan just makes me want to bawl.
Ryan calls these my irrational fears, but every one of them IS possible. Just I guess not super likely, but that's what everyone thinks until something horrible (but unlikely) happens! Like all the shootings that keep happening, we see them on the news but I feel like there is always a part of you that says "Well, that won't ever happen where I am." but it COULD.
Yesterday afternoon, someone was shot next door to where I live. It wasn't like the shootings that happen on the news, but someone died, and even though it wasn't aimed toward us and we weren't really ever in any danger, (or even aware it was happening when it did) it is still a scary event and I can't believe it happened!
It can be crippling to be a person in this world. Scary, unlikely things happen every. single. day. If I let myself, I could become paralyzed with fear every time I left my home, and honestly inside my home too. Ryan could get in an accident on the way to work, an earthquake could swallow our home, Rose could choke on her food or drown in the tub. Life is SCARY when you have a mind that works the way mine does. And I know I'm not the only person who thinks this way. Anxiety is a very real thing.
Today as I was praying and thinking about all this, and how difficult it is to be a Mom in this world, I re-remembered that Jesus Christ didn't just come to this earth and die to overcome sin. He died to overcome death. He died to overcome fear. He died to overcome pain and sorrow and anger and injustice and every other negative thing we can experience in this life. He is the PRINCE OF PEACE for crying out loud! But I can't just say "God, give me peace" when I allow myself to dwell on all the terrifying things this world has to offer. It's going to take work, and it's going to take some perspective changing. Christ offers us peace, but we have to have faith that He can truly give it to us. I need to stop allowing myself to become overwhelmed by the world and just accept that what happens is going to happen, but God loves ME. and He loves my family. And He will take care of us, I just need to trust in His plan and accept whatever it is that He sends my way.
This just happened today, so I'm obviously not saying that I have mastered this, because now the real work begins. But I wanted to share my thoughts in the hopes that maybe I could help someone else today too.
Don't let the world get you down. Let Christ lift you up, no matter what comes your way.
And if you have any tips for reaping in the PEACE the gospel brings, please share, I would really love to hear what works for you. For me, reading my scriptures every day helps me to keep my fear and anxiety to smaller degree.
Also, I hope you enjoy these photos I've taken of flowers this spring. If anything could give a person hope of good things to come, it's a beautiful spring in Utah, after a long snowy winter.
