One Of Those Days

I have a little bit of disappointing news to share:

I found out yesterday that I didn't get accepted into BYU's Master's Program for Marriage and Family Therapy, and I was really really hoping that I would. 

I would love nothing more than to save my dignity and not write this blog post or share this information with everyone, but I wrote so many posts about applying that I know some people would remember and wonder what happened. 

I have also mentioned before that I want this to be a realistic blog. I don't want to show off a picture perfect family, because I don't want to add to the unrealistic expectations media portrays, so that means sharing the disappointments, rejection, and failures along with the successes and happy moments. 

So, you know, I'm just a little bit bummed, and feeling a little bit sorry for myself. 

It's no fun to get so excited about something and to put so much effort into it just to find out that it isn't going to happen. 

It's also no fun to wonder what I did wrong or what I was lacking when something doesn't go right for me. 

It's no fun to realize that I have to figure out a new plan and a new way to feel like I'm moving forward in life. 

However, I haven't given up hope. :) Next time around I'll have more time to prepare and I will apply to more than just one program. I also have more time to figure out what God wants me to do with my life, or if He even wants me to go back to school. 

For now though, I have at least a year and a half before I'll be able to go to school again if that ends up being the plan then I need to figure out a way to spend my time. 

Some plus sides to not getting accepted are: no homework, no tests, I get to keep reading books for fun like I've been doing since I graduated, I can keep working at the youth residential treatment center I've been working at (which is helping us build up our savings account nicely), I won't have to worry about finding a babysitter for Rose, if we want to go on a trip, we only have to worry about Ryan's school schedule, um, I can continue to work on my photography business, and I can help support Ryan better in all that he's doing. 

So, life won't be as stressful if I'm not going to school, which will be nice. 

I'm also glad that I applied even though I didn't get accepted because I did really well on the GRE, which was kind of a confidence booster for me. I also strengthened some relationships with some of my professors, which was cool and might help me in the future. I also found a good job through the process of my application, and it allows me to use my degree a little bit. 

All in all, it's been a good experience and I'm grateful that I tried. Here's to future endeavors and to figuring out a new plan! :)

And if you want to send me flowers or chocolate to help me feel better about not being accepted to the Master's Program, I won't be upset. ;) 

A Life Update

Before I get into the update, look at how cute and Fall-ish our apartment looks with all these mini pumpkins and gourds that our friends gave us!

Do you like the drawing? I did that! :) (This has nothing to do with our Fall decorations, I'm just proud of the way it turned out.)

This one looks like a swan to me. 

Okay! That's all my little pumpkins and gourds!

Here's the update!

So, I decided to apply for the Marriage and Family Therapy Master's program at BYU. It's a bit more involved of a process than I thought when I originally decided to do it. But, I'm really excited with how things are going, and I think I have a chance at getting in!

I studied diligently for the GRE for the last month. I had to relearn a ton of basic math principles. And I learned a bunch of new words like "superfluous" and "querulous". I took the test on Wednesday and HOLY COW that test sure is draining. There are 2 writing sections, 2 math sections, 2 verbal sections, and then one extra either math or verbal. Each section is about 30-35 minutes and there is a 10 minute break in between the 3rd and 4th section.

This was the longest I've ever been away from Rose AND the longest Ryan has ever spent with just Rose. I was a little worried about how it would go, but they turned out alright! It was a little nice to feel validated though, because Ryan now understands how difficult it is to get housework done when you have a baby. Screaming babies aren't as difficult to ignore as he seemed to think. ;)

I don't know the official scores for my test yet, BUT the estimated score was ONE point above what I needed to be considered for the program! Hallelujah and thank goodness! Because I do NOT want to take that test again!

That was one step for the application process. The other is that my professors suggested I get clinical experience so I am better qualified for the MFT program. For that, I've been looking for a job at a residential treatment center.

Unfortunately, Ryan pays the bills by working full time but he is also going to school so my responsibility is to watch Rose. Which leaves very little availability for me when looking for a job.

I found a residential treatment center that has a night shift availability and I got the job! I'll be working on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday nights from 10 pm to 7 am. Which will be tough, BUT it's experience working with people AND it's a little extra money to help Ryan out. I'm a little nervous about the whole work at night, entertain Rose during the day thing, but I'm also really excited about it and I'm so glad that I'm not losing any of my time with Rose to do it!

I feel like all those jobs I got turned down for were just leading me in this direction. I'm not sure if I'll get into the program or not, but even if I don't, I feel pretty accomplished having successfully taken the GRE and finally being qualified for a job that is something more along what I'm interested in. It seems like God is leading me in some direction, we'll just have to wait and see where it leads.

Call Me Crazy...

First of all, here are some pretty darn cute pictures of Rose:

How cute is she in these adorable socks? It all of a sudden turned into Winter overnight and I wanted her to have nice warm feet. I just can't get enough of her in them!

Second of all, it's amazing how much can change in a week! Just last week I wrote a blog post about how I can't find a job and how hard it is to be rejected, and now I've decided to apply for graduate school. Surprise!

Here's what happened.

Nothing really, I've just been trying to figure out how to spend my time, how to stay productive, and how to best help our family succeed. So, I was looking and looking and looking for a job and it just wasn't working out.

So, then it occurred to me that if I want to go back to school (and I did, eventually, want to go back to school), that it would be better to do it now with just one kid than later when I have however many I'm going to have. I also am realizing that my motivation to try hard things is disappearing the longer I stay inside and avoid going out and doing anything. If I wait for 15 years to go back to school, I may be too afraid to try.

I loved studying about families in my undergraduate, and ultimately I would LOVE to be able to help families as a therapist or family life instructor, so I decided to apply for BYU's Marriage and Family Therapy Graduate program. It's kind of funny because I've been so bummed by all of my job rejections, and here I am applying to a program that only takes 9-12 students A YEAR (with 80-90 applicants...) but with this, if I get it, it's a HUGE opportunity and honor. If I don't get in, it's not just me, it's me and 80 other students, who are pretty smart, not getting in, so I won't be alone. Plus, then I'll just accept that I'm going to be a stay at home mom, and that's not a bad gig (staying home, playing with my kids, making cookies, and not worrying about homework or due dates or tests doesn't sound so bad.)

So, I went from looking for a job to diligently studying for the GRE for 2-3 hours every day while Rose naps and studying/teaching Rose college level vocab words while she eats. (I'm hoping her first word will be something crazy like "superfluous" or something. haha.)

I have 3 weeks until my GRE and 6 weeks until applications for the program are due. So, wish me luck and pray for me if you'd like! :)

Other things going on in our lives? There isn't much else. Rose and I went to the laundromat for the first time the other day:

I'm not really a big fan of this chore... and can anyone explain to me why they have such GIGANTIC dryers if it will only dry teeny tiny amounts of laundry at a time? What's up with that??? Also, I love coins and it hurts a little for every quarter I give away to them. :'(

Here is a cute picture of Rose dressed up for church. Our new church building is pretty awesome! It's ALSO old and we sat on the BALCONY during sacrament meeting. (The kid in front of us had toys and paper airplanes that I kept hoping he would let loose over the balcony, but he didn't. It would have been funny to watch.) How darling is Rose in this cute headband? Her head is finally big enough for it to stay on. :)

Because I am a terrible mother, I put Rose's pants on her head and just laughed and laughed. She didn't seem to mind, and I just think she is so dang cute!

And last, but not least, here are pictures of Rose with my grandpa and grandma and a beautiful sunset as we drove back home from Brigham City last weekend.

And.... GRADUATED!

It is so hard to believe that I have officially graduated from BYU. It has been one of the most wonderful parts of my life to be a student here.

I always wanted to go to Brigham Young University. Growing up in Florida and Texas I only had a handful of friends who had the same beliefs as me. I had several Christian friends, but growing up Mormon in the South, you kind of stick out just a little bit.

Getting accepted to come here was a dream come true. My first year here I made a TON of wonderful friends, had the time of my life, and felt like I had finally found a place where I fit in and could be myself with people my own age. This is also the place where I found my testimony of the Savior.

This was taken with everyone that started BYU Fall 2013.

I've mentioned on here before (in my pre-mission blog posts) that when I got here I was struggling to figure out where my faith was and who Jesus Christ was to me. My faith was teeny tiny, and BYU was the place that made it possible for me to really explore and learn about Jesus Christ and about His gospel. I had a wonderful bishop, great friends, fantastic professors, and the perfect environment for learning and feeling God's love. I loved that the bell tower played "Come Come Ye Saints every day" reminding me that "All is well, all is well." I loved going to the devotionals every Tuesday that seemed to be inspired because the topic always pertained perfectly to the struggles I was facing that week. I loved starting every class with a prayer and that every topic, from religion to photography to science, was tied into the gospel of Jesus Christ. (For instance, in my photography class, we had a class about the importance of light in photography, and my teacher discussed the importance of the Light of Christ in our lives...I also took a leadership class that spent an entire section discussing Christlike leadership...how cool is that??)

Instead of having a religious life and everything else separate, I learned that faith goes perfectly with every aspect of my life. I didn't live my life and then only go to church on Sunday, my life became intertwined with my faith. I realized that I could pray about ANYTHING, and God would answer.

I may get a little defensive when people talk negatively about BYU, but that's just because my time spent here has been a life changing experience. I know that it isn't perfect and the people here definitely aren't (I'm not.) but I think this place was perfect for me.

I wasn't supposed to graduate until December, but last August when Ryan and I found out I was pregnant we bounced back and forth different ideas for how to help me finish sooner rather than later. We figured I would just take my last few classes in December and we would go back and forth with taking care of the baby, but in November I made a list of every class I needed in order to graduate in April. Having only taken 12-15 credits a semester during my previous six semesters made it seem impossible to finish in only one more semester, but Ryan has a lot more faith in me than I do, and encouraged me to try to finish by April. So, I signed up for 20 credits of classes (one of them online), dropped down to only working 10 hours a week instead of 20, and applied to graduate in April 2018.

You may be thinking that we are crazy, maybe we are.... but somehow this last semester was the best semester I've ever had. I think it just goes to show that God cares about His children, and cares about what is important to them. To me, getting an education and graduating was really important to me. It is  also important to me to be available to my baby when she gets here, which would be more difficult for me if I was still going to school. In any other circumstance, 20 credits of classes actually would have been impossible for me to accomplish, but this last semester I felt more calm than I ever have. I loved the classes I took, the professors who taught me, the information I gained, and I am actually sad to be done taking these classes.

Anyways, I just think that BYU is the most wonderful school on the planet, and I am SO grateful that God blessed me with the opportunity to get my education here and that He has made it possible for the church to have this school that combines secular and spiritual education into one.

I am grateful for the support and encouragement that my husband and my family have given me that have made it possible for me to get to this point. I am also incredibly grateful that they came from all over (Texas and Southern Utah) to watch me waddle across the stage to receive my (fake) diploma and shake hands with important people in a large unflattering graduation gown. It's been a wonderful week and I'm glad my baby waited to come so that I could experience it. :)

Now, I have two weeks to worry about getting everything ready for her arrival. And I am excited to tell her that she got to walk across the stage with me. :)

Some of my BYU statistics:

• # of Semesters: 7
• # of Apartments: 5 (Young Hall, New Heritage Building 10, Glenwood room 56 and room 72, and the apartment we live in now.) 
• Did I meet my husband at BYU like I thought I would?: Nope (In fact, he is one of those very anti-BYU people I mentioned. He would never apply to BYU if his life depended on it, he also claimed that he would never date or marry someone that went to BYU, look where that got him. ;) I met him in Olympia, Washington.)
• Times Hiking the Y: 1 (at Midnight)
• Majors declared: 4 (Pre-Graphic Design, Pre-Photography, Human Development, I finally settled on Family Studies)
• # of Roommates: 13 (or 14 if the alien in my uterus counts) 
• # of Football games I went to: 2 1/2 (I also went to 1 basketball game, 1 volleyball game, and 1 soccer game.) 
• # of papers I wrote: 56
• # of student jobs: 5 (Research Assistant for an engineering group, One day AV tech for a conference held at BYU, food prep/cashier/ice cream scooper at the Cougar Cafe, Mail girl in the ASB, and Teaching Assistant for Dr. Jeff Hill's Family Processes class.) 
• On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do I like BYU?: 11

The last thing I want to share about BYU (when I write my next blog post I'll go back to updating about the pregnancy and maybe even a birth) is what Elder Holland had to say at the Commencement ceremony. It was a very uplifting speech. (I knew it would be though... the only reason I went to Commencement was because he would be the keynote speaker, otherwise I would have stayed home. Large, pregnant women don't belong in VERY crowded buildings with thousands and thousands and thousands of people.) 

My favorite part was some advice that he shared with us graduates: 

"Go out there and light a candle. Be a ray of light. Be your best self, and let your character shine. Cherish the gospel of Jesus Christ and live it. The world needs you and surely your Father in Heaven needs you if His blessed purposes for His children are to prevail. You have entered to learn, now go forth to serve and strengthen."

(So far there are only highlights from his speech, but I'm hoping they will eventually upload the whole thing... but here is the link to the highlights. My other favorite part is in the last minute of the highlights. Go watch it!)

That's it! I'm excited to take what I learned in my years at BYU and to use it to bless the lives of my family and the people around me. :) I don't believe in "the best two years" or four years in this case. These have been wonderful wonderful years, but I'm determined to have wonderful years every year for the rest of my life. Thanks for reading my love letter to BYU. :) 

Is this not the most pregnant picture you have ever seen?

** Photo Credit to my sister Emily who walked all over campus to take pictures of me in my cap and gown in all of my favorite BYU spots. 

DONE!

Today is a historic day. I took my very last final of my undergrad! (I would say ever, because as of right now, it is NOT in my plans to get a Master's degree... but if I say I'm done for GOOD then I can see God just laughing up in Heaven at me because He thinks I should get a graduate degree... so there you go.) It's a really wonderful feeling to know that I don't have any homework, papers, tests, assignments, ANYTHING left to do! Except, now it is time for every unpleasant thing I have been putting off thinking about until after school is over to be thought about.

For instance, the sink is full of dirty dishes. Sigh. And having finals to study for and papers to write has been a really great excuse for not doing them. Now, I'm sitting at home with nothing on my to do list... so it's probably time to do the dishes.

Another example, for the last 8 months I've been making dinner maybe once a week (if Ryan is lucky). But today when he left he mentioned eating dinner and I asked him "I suppose that means you want me to make dinner, huh?" and he said "yes." No excuses now. :(

Also, when people ask me if I'm ready for the baby to come, I tell them I don't have time to think about it. I had to finish school first, then I could worry about that. So, I suppose that now is probably the time for me to start worrying about that big life change that is coming up. And making sure I'm ready for her arrival.

However, since today is my first day of freedom, I'm going to continue to put off worrying about those things. Instead, for this blog post I'm going to tell you about  my past week. Because it was a good one. :)

I turned 23 on Tuesday. :) And Ryan spoiled me, like the wonderful husband that he is. :)

I was a little grumpy to begin the day. I prayed and prayed that it wouldn't snow like the weather forecast was saying it would. However, somebody more faithful than me must have been praying harder FOR the snow, because snow it did. (And not ONLY did it snow. it was supposed to snow all night and be done by 10 am, when I woke up there wasn't any snow so I prayed a thank you prayer for not letting it snow and literally 10 minutes later it started snowing buckets!... -_-)

Luckily, Ryan bought me cinnamon toast eggo waffles (delicious!) for my birthday breakfast. And then he filled my car up with nerd ropes, which I love. So, my little shoulder Negative Nelly and Positive Pollyanna were fighting to see who would win my emotions. (Would I succumb to the grumpiness the snow was causing me ON MY BIRTHDAY IN APRIL? or would I choose to laugh because my husband got me 24 nerd ropes and scattered them all over my car?) They tussled back and forth. My emotions are a little wacky these days so I was torn between crying and laughing.

Walking to my first class of the day, I was a little sad and gloomy. I tried to be mad at God. I told Him that I wanted to be mad at Him for making it snow on my birthday, (I was also late to class, so I was feeling a little stressed) and He didn't make the snow stop but He did sort of turn back time because even though I was 5 minutes late to class, I got there just in time. He also had the bell tower start playing a hymn that reminded me of how much God loves me. (The bell tower hasn't played a song at 9:30 once this entire semester, but God knew I needed it that day.) So, anyways long story short, even though God made it snow on my birthday, and didn't make it stop despite my many prayers, He did let me know in other small ways that He was aware of me and loves me. Which was a nice little birthday present.

Ryan came and took me out to lunch during my break between classes at the BYU Creamery. Then I went to more classes, got ice cream with my brother and sister, and went home. Ryan and I watched a chick flick, Hitch, and then went out to dinner and then came home. He was going to take me to the Thanksgiving Point Tulip Festival, but because of the snow that morning (which, by the way was gone by this point), it was pretty chilly outside, so we decided to go on Thursday instead.

The Tulip Festival was really fun, Ryan makes everything fun though. :)

I'm not pleased with how much it costs, ($20 a person just seems like too much!) The Tulips were beautiful but there weren't nearly as many as I was expecting. (Is it unrealistic to expect Holland's fields of tulips here in Utah? haha) It was still lots of fun though, we got to feed some fish, see a couple antique tulips, look over a crazy tall waterfall, and wander through an exhibit of incredible statues of Christ and different scenes from His life. (That exhibit should be free because I think everyone should go see it!) We finished off by stopping at a concession booth for the most horrible frozen lemonades ever. I'm pretty sure it was straight sugar. We both lost our desire for sugar anytime soon (which is really saying something! We both LOVE sweets!) ((If you go to the Tulip Festival do not be tempted by the concession stand. It's not worth it! by that point you're almost to the end, just get real food instead!))

The rest of the week I just finished my finals. I took two tests on Friday, one test on Saturday and my last test today.

On Friday, I was really excited to come home and not do anything, but I got a migraine while at the grocery store on my way home, and I don't know if this is normal for other people, but when I get a migraine, before the actual headache comes my vision goes funny for about half an hour. I don't get migraines very often (in fact, just that morning I was thinking how nice it was that I hadn't had a headache in a couple months! There goes God with His sense of humor again!) I promised Ryan that I wouldn't ever drive while my vision is weird before a migraine, so I had to wander blindly through the grocery store picking up everything I needed and then took a nap in the parking lot until my vision came back to normal. Then I drove home and wandered around the house with all the lights off like a weirdo and took a nap until Ryan got home. I did at one point get up to make dinner for him. (I don't know why he wants dinner tonight! I already made dinner TWICE in the last week! ;) ) but for some reason, pregnancy just makes me abnormal because I ended up throwing it all up. I only cried a little bit. Not too much. It's just unfortunate that I was able to go 13 years without ever throwing up, but here I am 8 months pregnant and throwing up again. (It's been a few months so I shouldn't really complain, but who likes throwing up???) Anyways, that's probably tmi, but I was bummed about it, so I'm just going to tell the world that pregnancy is not kind to the human body, (physically or emotionally) so I'm thinking we should vote to have men and women take turns. Is anyone with me?

Enough of that, besides my birthday, finishing classes and finals, and throwing up, not much else is new. I'm 36 1/2 weeks along in my pregnancy, so it's getting really close. Don't ask me if I'm ready yet. I probably won't be until she's a teenager (who knows if I'll be ready by then either!)

I'm feeling huge these days.

Also, another fun fact that I wanted to share with the world that means absolutely nothing to you, is that I added up all the papers I've written since getting home from my mission (in August 2016), and I counted 52. So, feel free to let me know how awesome I am if you get the chance.

That's all I have for today. Tomorrow I'm going to wander around campus and have my sister take pictures of me in my cap and gown. I'll post those at some future point in time.

Until then, enjoy the pictures from this last week, and enjoy my totally unimportant thoughts about life and school and pregnancy. This blog is mostly for posterity, so if you read these every time I post them and wonder why you put yourself through them every time, feel free to stop reading my blog posts, it won't hurt my feelings. For those of you who for some reason enjoy reading them, thank you! :)

I hope you all have a wonderful week!

Also, here are a few other photos that have nothing to do with what I talked about, but because it's been two weeks since I last wrote a blog post, I need to put them somewhere.

I made these beautiful cinnamon twists for breakfast the other day, and I was so proud of them that I had to take a really good quality photo of them. 

It snowed the week before my birthday and I was mourning the sad little tulips that were being crushed by the horrible snow. 

These pictures are from an adventure that Ryan and I went on a few Sundays ago. We found a charred stick and I was trying to find a spot to draw on the ground when Ryan decided to just draw on my face. This is the aftermath. 

And last, I tried to sell all of these textbooks back to BYU today, but they only took half of them. I lugged them forever and a half to get to the bookstore, and only one person offered to help carry them (one of my past roommates), she is way more gentlemanly than ALL of the guys at BYU.