Giving Birth and the Atonement

Before my mission and during my mission I had no problem sharing my testimony or having conversations about Jesus Christ and His Atonement. It was one of my very favorite topics. However, life has been busy and a little stressful and I have found that I don't think about it or talk about it much anymore. I want to be better about that, so here are a few spiritual insights I've gained in the last month or so.

Even though I'm new to this whole mom thing, I have started to notice whisperings of the Spirit comparing my experience as a mother to the way Heavenly Father feels about us and helping me to understand gospel truths a little bit better.

A few nights before I gave birth to Rose, Ryan gave me a blessing because I was crying uncontrollably and terrified about what I was about to go through. I was REALLY hoping that in my blessing I would hear something like "You aren't going to feel any pain." or "This will be a piece of cake" or "You have absolutely nothing to worry about." However, the older I get, the more I realize that life just doesn't often work out that way.

Heavenly Father loves us and doesn't like to see us go through pain and suffering, but He knows that it is for our good. I was told that through my experience of giving birth, something that has always scared me, I would gain just a small understanding of what the Savior went through.

I wanted to have Rose in my life, and I want to have more children after her, but being pregnant isn't easy and willingly going into the hospital knowing that a painful process lies ahead of me isn't easy either. It's scary. And as much as I wished I could just not go through it, there was no other way to bring Rose into the world. I know that birth is nothing actually compared to the Savior's sacrifice for us, but I willingly went through something really difficult for me to bring my sweet new baby here.

As much as I wanted Heavenly Father to take that pain away from me, there is no way I would go back and choose not to have experienced it.

It's hard to explain this in a way that makes sense outside of my head, but I'm just grateful to have a Savior that chose to experience so much pain to make it possible for us to be saved and to live the lives that we have. I'm grateful that He willingly took our pains and our sorrows and our sins and paid the price for all of them, rather than giving up. And I'm grateful that God loves me enough to have given me a chance to remember my Savior, while I was going through something that was really difficult and scary for me, to ease my fears and to feel comforted and loved.

One other thought that came to my mind the other day while I was comforting Rose. She was crying because I left her alone so she could take a nap, but she just kept going on and on and I realized that helping her to know I loved her and that I was there was more important in that moment than making sure she got a nap. I went and picked her up and whispered to her that I was there and that it was okay until she calmed down. And for just a small moment, I was reminded that God does that for us, even when we don't always realize it, He's here, He is always here for us to comfort us when we are inconsolable and when life is scary or when we feel alone.

I feel so blessed to be a mom. I'm only a little ways into it, but already the experience is totally worth it.