You see, I've been studying the topic of joy and happiness for years now. I started about half way through my time as a missionary by studying the scriptures and highlighting and writing down every verse that mentioned joy or rejoicing. I also paid attention to any quotes or sayings about joy.
I have a notebook full of stuff about joy and happiness and rejoicing:
"Joy: a feeling of happiness; source of happiness" (Dictionary definition)"I have no greater joy than to see my children walk in truth" (3 John 1:4)"Adam fell that men might be and men are that they might have joy." (2 Nephi 2:25)"And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness." (2 Nephi 5:27)"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." (Abraham Lincoln)"God didn't design us to be sad. He created us to have joy!" (Dieter F. Uchtdorf)"Lift up your heads and rejoice, and put your trust in God." (Mosiah 7:19)
"Be of good cheer and do not fear..." (D&C 68:4)
And still, by the time I was done with my mission, I didn't have a great understanding of how to be a joyful person. Which was my goal. I learned that joy comes from the gospel, from Jesus Christ, from being grateful, from serving others. Outside of my scripture study, I learned that thinking positively would help me to be happy, that taking care of myself will bring me joy, so maybe taking bubble baths and reading uplifting books would do the trick.
I have always wanted to be like one of those people that you see whistling as they walk down the street smiling at everyone they see. Like Snow White or those old men walking through Central Park in movies or Pollyanna. I read The Happiness Advantage, I tested out the 5 things to do a day and only ever made it about a week. I read a blog post about how to be happier. And wrote down "Make your own Sunshine" and hung it up on my wall next to my bed among other quotes about choosing to be happy. I call it my happiness wall. (Other quotes on there: "I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Philippians 4:11 and "Come what may and love it." Joseph B. Wirthlin)
I'm not saying that I'm an unhappy person and I don't have clinical depression or even postpartum depression. I just have never quite figured out how to turn myself into a person that walks down the street whistling and smiling everywhere I go.
So, I saved this blog post, because I was going figure out the key to happiness and then I was going to share with you how to make your own sunshine and how to choose to be happy. Well, it turns out, I still just don't quite know how to do that. I was explaining my predicament to Ryan and he told me that maybe I should write about how much harder it is than people make it seem. I want to be real and honest on this blog. The internet is full of so much fake "perfection" and I don't want my blog to be like that. I want it to be relate-able and honest and so I thought instead of writing "How to be happy" I will write "It's okay to not know how to be happy." It's okay if you aren't always smiling and if you don't walk down the street every day with a skip in your step singing "Zip a dee doo dah."
It is possible to find joy and all those things I listed DO bring joy, but joy just isn't going to be a constant in this life. There are going to be hard things, there is going to be sadness, there will be lonely nights and hopeless nights. There will be times when you wonder what the next day will bring.
What brought about me finally writing this post was a quote from someone else that made it all click for me. Here it is:
“I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that - I don’t mind people being happy - but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep”, and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position - it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness”. Ask yourself “is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is. - Hugh MacKay
I think, starting today, I'm going to switch my search for joy into a search for wholeness. And if you've been struggling with the same thing, maybe you should too. :)
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| This is a picture from about a year ago. Ryan took it when we went to Manti for the weekend. It was one of my favorite trips we ever took, but I was also super sick because of morning sickness. So, I feel like it fits this blog post nicely because this is my "I'm so tired of throwing up and feeling nauseous and tired, but I'm happy to be here" smile. |
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